The Down Family Christmas - Whistler Style - Part IIII

Much as I didn't want to face it all good things come to an end !

Having so much family around was fantastic and on so many fronts. I had not noticed until they arrived how much I had begun to dumb down what I was saying to be able to speak to local people. The average Canadian has no idea what the average Limey is on about when using phrases and expressions to illustrate things.

For example when attempting to resolve an issue on site one day and not being able to directly see the problem at hand I simply said:

'Come on then - out the way - let's have a butchers at it'

Cue five confused looking Vancouverites staring at each other in total bemusement ?

It got worse two minutes later when I concluded one of them didn't know his arse from his elbow and told him so. That the numpty in question clearly did not understand I was insulting him was ample proof in itself they have no idea !

Any way - having said good bye to Mum and John on Sunday lunch, Amanda Owen and I mounted one last pub crawl of our favourite haunts before enduring one last day of skiing Monday prior to skidding down the sea to sky highway back to Vancouver.

We had heard the city had been blanketed with a thick layer of snow also but were not prepared for what we saw when we got to the top of a look out half way up Cypress Mountain. Inches and inches of snow had fallen every whare and had promptly frozed creating a winter wonderland.

Supposedly this never happens within the down town core so it was nice that all my visitors got to see such a picturesque version of where I live.

Thanks for coming over guys - you are welcome any time of course and thank you again Mig for organising such an amazing trip away.

Mom I hope you had a lovely 60th birthday celebration and sorry for announcing your age to the world here. I hope I am half as active and fun as you by the time I get there.

3 days down - 47 to go !

See you tomorrow Fonters for a day on Cypress and ski day number 4.

The Down Family Christmas - Whistler Style - Part III

Having realized painfully the day before that a short sleeved Kiwi rugby shirt (found left many years before amongst the detritus and general tat abandoned by an old house mate in Brighton) would not cut the mustard keeping me warm in such baltic conditions, I broke out the gimp mask and England shirt for day two's endurance mission.

Much better - even if i did look like a weegie bank robber about to do over the local post office !

Thankfully that look soon became one of Scott in the antarctic as mousture froze on my face within seconds. In fact the feeling of snot becoming ice within the nostrils can be quite off putting sitting on chair lifts but hey ho ! Welcome to Canada I suppose. So much for Whistler being famed for wet snow. No chance of that here.

The trade off and advantage of such cold conditions however was that thankfully the sun poked its head out for a wee while and long enough for Mom and John to embark out on their second day's adventure snow shoeing from midsatation.

They had done this a few days before on Cypress Mountain overlooking Vancouver but unfortunately within a pea soup of visibility that had hid the wonderous views known to be had over Howe Sound and the city itself.

Strapping on wierd looking contraptions to feet and wrapping up well too off they went dodging out of control snow skidders (boarders) and into the trees looking out for bears and cougars.

I did tell them that they need not worry about Cougars as my mate Leigh had snogged them all the previous season and they had died of a rare form of alcohol induced ADD during the winter but all they did was look at me in bemusement (as I am sure most of you are doing now reading this).

Finishing up our day in the 'Duhb Lihn Gate' having finally managed to get all five of us around one table whilst fighting off the hoards of yanks trying to corrall chairs together, the famed 'spinach and artichoke' dip was swiftly ordered along with several pitchers !

Life is tuff I tell ya ! As we had such top seats and having had such a good day on the hill with a vastly improving Pricey Boy perhaps the Apres action got a little too energetic and before you know any chance of dinner in town had been missed with several empty picthers lined up on our table.

Oh well - back to the digs and a hot tub with some yellow lemonade I suppose. Damn, life is tuff !

2 days skied - 48 to go !

The Down Family Christmas - Whistler Style - Part II

So it turns out the old weather boy on channel 17 finally got it right for once !

The arctic storm predicted to be charging down the coast from Alaska did indeed appear during the night and manifested itself in the first instance with another 20cm of fresh white stuff all the way into the village.

Secondly temperatures had plummeted to a village high of -14C and peak chair low of -27C !

Yikes ! Now I have worked in Geordie land before and stood at various taxi ranks armed with little more than a bag of chips and curry sauce but this was taking the biscuit ! Mountain hosts were manning the gondola entrances checking peoples equipment before allowing them to head up the mountain.

Mig, Owen and I wrapped up in crazy amounts of layers headed out in endurance fashion to try and enjoy our days skiing.

Mom and John had the much better idea of laying in before frying up some seriously skinny Canadian bacon and eggs in the kitchen of our plush gaff whilst admiring the baltic conditions outside.

Armed with the extra layer of lard however they felt brave enough to venture out and take some pictures of the winter wonderland all around before meeting Amanda and I for lunch in the GLC (Garibaldi Lift Company Bar).

The snow was amazing even if madly cold.

It's amazing how good a GLC burger tastes at lunchtime bulking up for an afternoons charge. I suppose it is only surpassed by how good the Kokanee (local yellow lemonade) tastes once the day is done.

I assume this of course because all in attendance who were new to alpine activities (the senior members en tour) seemed happy to partake without complaining too hard !

So that's day one done of Stig's Mission to ski 50 days this season !

49 to go by May ! Should be easy ! Lets hope the legs last !

The Down Family Christmas - Whistler Style - Part I

With Amanda and Owen joining the party fresh from a transcontinental treck across north america from Washington DC to Vancouver via Toronto, team 'DownPriceHines' were now in place to mount their expedition to Whistler and an early family Christmas shindig !

Being the first time in ten months that we had all been together and of course full of tales to tell it would have been rude not to capture the excitement without a visit to a nearby watering hole !

Hence our first night was spent in the 'Mill Cafe' on the waterfront at Coal Harbour. This pub of course being well known to all my airline staff visitors as the 'BA Arms Public House'.

Several picthers and mammoth nachos later served by our waitress 'Buffy', time was called to enable a seabus ride home and some sleep before what we anticipated would be a some what scary drive up the sea to sky.

Why Scary ? Well by this point Whistler had recieved three repetitive nights snowfall of 20cm per night and an arctic storm from Alaska was predicted to be charging south along the sunshine coast to both Whistler and the city.

Scary more was that I had rented a mini van from Gupta the dodgy car hire man on dodgy car hire street for what was a scarily dodgy low price ?!?

Mmmm ? A two wheel drive mini van on packed snow and ice and from a man whose English ability ranked along side that of Borat ? Come to think of it he didn't look that unfamiliar to the big man ??

So off we went at 10am wanting to do the journey in day light and arrive in hopefully a sunny Whistler Village. Thankfully the journey was absolutely incident free and quite a breeze thanks to the many ploghs working the highway.

Such was our relief in fact that arriving for breakfast in Creekside and the Southside Diner good old Mig noted that it had now passed into the pm and as such eggs benedict were served with pints of Granville Pale Ale ! Whahey - the tour has started ! Good oh !

Not being able to pick the keys up to our plush gaff for an hour or so off we went to raid the Market place and stock up on the usual Christmas supplies.


Yep you got it, copious amounts of booze and a turkey !


Unfortunately Turkeys seemed to be in short supply so we ended up with two chickens, some smelly cheese, a dodgy looking lump of salmon (and copious amounts of booze). Job well done !

Landing with our booty at a very seriously plush retreat (thanks Amanda for the efforts in sourcing such a fabulous palace) and with birds in the oven, the now ever so slightly merry team took pre dinner aperitifs in the hot tub located three paces from the back door and with views of piste bashers working the hill in the distance !


Now it has to be said at this point that whilst I am not inknown for performing the odd inebriated idiotic stunt there is not enough beer in Canada to get me to repeat what John then strived forth and performed.

Casually stepping out of the tub he sauntered out into the three feet deep powder as if he were repairing divets on a polo field with champers in hand, before calmly laying down backward in the white blanket and liberally covering his torso with further white fluffy stuff ????

Now it further has to be said that whilst I have a huge amount of time and respect for this man who treats mum like an angel, I must say that based upon the grand act of mindless idiocy just witnessed he is clearly BONKERS !

Rather you than me big fella - I will stay in the warm water with my Piper Heidsieck thank you very much !

With respect to this christmas groover I can only assume the bubbles of the champers and the heat of the tub got to him as he worked his magic tripping the light fandango to ABBA's greatest hits.

Why is it by the way that is always the one and only free CD places like this leave around ? Unfotunately this was to be the highlight of Owens footwork as armed with skis whilst a solid and improving intermediate his action is not in the same class as his 'Dancing Queen'.

Finally sacks were hit and sleep was had in preparation for a full days mountain activity.

Victoria Air Horn !

Believe it or not this weekend was yet another long one with a statutory holiday monday granted for remembrance day !

Being November in BC this of course means one thing ? It is raining !

Raining like you have never seen before ! It is hard to explain but I am yet to see any form of drizzle or light spitting in these parts.
When it rains here it comes in one galactic down pour that feels like the man upstairs has spilt his pint ! And it can last for days ! So with the snow not having arrived yet, four (very immature you will soon agree) blokes at a very loose end decided to go to Victoria !

As you do ?

Jumping into the rear windowless Hudson battle jeep (remember the one that only gets out off second gear once the transmission has warmed up) Teams England and Australia headed down to Tsawwassen (yes that is spelt correctly) to pick up the ferry over to Vancouver Island and the province capital of Victoria !

Our plan ? Well not a very expansive one I grant you. As it was raining cats and dogs we elected to stay in the Strathcona hotel which is famed for having 5 bars within the building including the infamous 'sticky wicket' and a roof top mounted beach volley ball court, which of course is lots of use in a BC wet autumn !

Why go out doors when you can mount a pub crawl within one building ? With team Australia in room 307 (Will and Leigh) and team England in room 308 (Stig and Garry) all roll calls were announced not with a call on the phone but by use of an air horn, that had been found in the boot of our transport. Not very adult I accept - but bloody funny at the time.

Moving out onto the toon Saturday evening we stumbled upon a very lively spot called D'Arcy's where hyperactive Hudson (who we decided by the end of the weekend suffers from an acute case of alcohol induced attention defficit disorder that renders him unable to sit still or stop talking for anything more than twenty seconds at a time) set about introducing himself to the local population - in a Sir Les Patterson, Australian cultural attache stylie.

Several schooners later and having confirmed the Australian stereotype of weak drinking legs with plenty of enthusiasm applied with scant decorum, we staggered back to the Strathcona via various pizza and smokie vendors minus Gazza who had mysteriously gone MIA some thirty minutes before.

Our concerns as to where he had dissappeared to were answered as we entered the corridor of our hotel rooms that were still some twenty metres away. Even from that distance ear defenders were required to blank out the fog horn snoring volume of Garry's cavernous hooter !

As you can see the wonders of drink will render an astute, respectable and able professional such as me with the maturity of a six year old when presented with such opportunity to perform mindless gags at some one else's expense.

So - yes - you got it. Gazza got a full blast of the air horn at a range of about three feet. That he woke up and damn near spat his false's out goes without saying. That Will and I damn near split our sides laughing at his comletely innocent and confused face also goes without saying.

That we woke the entire hotel as well is probably safe to assume !

Day two saw much of the same antic having at least taken a cultural walk of Victoria to clear heads prior to the next onslaught.

Observations from day two:

1. Will is impervious to Jack and coke and likes his AC/DC
2. Hudson turns into Mr Tickle after two days on the grog.
3. Garry snores even louder after two days on the grog.
4. I can still find a nasty food hit at three am regardless of how many days I have been on the booze.
   
   

BA Boys Roll Call !

Six months into 'Stigs Deportation' I have been extremely lucky to maintain links with the UK by having a steady stream of vistors courtesy of those kind people at BA making available free 747-400's to the lads of course AP161b 1996 !

The honour call now stands at:

Lord Fonters - 3 hits - due again next week.

John 'snoozy' Hackers - 2 hits

Roger 'Gentleman Skier' Cooper - 2 hits - due for christmas apres + ski

Dave 'Smiling Dad' Burns - 1 hit

Paul 'bufont' Hanks - 2 hits (pictured yesterday in the rain)

Dave 'Lord Lucan' Rogers - 1 hit

Adam 'mmmm ?' Cornish - 1 hit

Thanks for heading my way fella's - I will keep the reserved table going at our favourite haunts !

I love the fact I see more of a lot of you now even though I am several thousand miles away ! Good effort ! Get yourselves out here for the snow !

Oh yeah - and Bellza - pull your finger out man ! You're letting the side down !