A 'Big White' Christmas ! (Part III)

What ? No goose for Christmas ? !

Ok – so lets face it, three thirty something blokes were never going to get so organized as to buy a Turkey and stick it in the oven with all the trimmings were they ?

To our rescue ! The only and only ‘Swiss Bear’ Restaurant !! Nestled neatly within the heart of the village whilst tucking into a hearty breakfast of all things lardy and Canadian Christmas morning, we enquired and were lucky enough to get, a prime seat booked for our Christmas dinner that night.

Now granted whilst not very Swiss and waitressed by Sheila from Woopwoop-ulla-roo, who arrived to work each day in the pouch of her Kangaroo, we did get looked after very well scoffing for dinner a turkey packed with all the trimmings this fine Christmas Day. One that even included chestnut stuffing !

What more could a man want ! Well perhaps a few nightcaps back in Snow Shoe Sams and a days skiing to follow ? Sounds good to me ! That’s what we’ll do then !!

Boxing day had us rise with thick heads to stunning sunshine ready for another fresh air hit of glorious beauty skiing through huge open expanses of tree glade runs where the trees are 100% covered in snow and called ‘snow ghosts’ by the locals.

As snow began to fall during the mid afternoon, a short pit stop was taken in the tub to replenish tired legs before we headed out into the madness that is night skiing !

Bombing through the dark in ankle deep powder I felt compelled to restock our digs bar whilst using the most expedient form of transport in big white !

Ahh you have to love the Kokanee !

A 'Big White' Christmas ! (Part II)

Several beers and a steak later in ‘Snow Shoe Sam’s Bar and Grill’ that felt heavenly after our mammoth trek through the BC interior, you would have though I would have slept like a baby !

Ahem ? Not Quite ! Remembering that Gorgeous George would probably still effectively warn shipping that dry land was near in a storm (even though we were now 300 miles from the coast) from my nightmare of having shared a room with him in Victoria several weeks before, I elected to choose the room in our gaff that placed most distance between he and I !

Did it work ? No chance ! That boys snoring could penetrate the concrete bunkers protecting Sellafield’s underground nuclear waste disposal facility. So, staggering out of the digs onto the slopes all of three feet away off we went for a bacon butty hit and a days sunshine skiing !

What a day too ! Gorgeous (who is a world class instructor – having now skied six days since he was eleven years old) led from the front and took us straight up to the Cliff chair for some extreme moguls and drop offs !

Leigh who tends to take two turns at a time only so as not to overtake the man walking in front with his red flag, slowed GG and I down a little but we didn’t hold it against him. Him being Australian and all – mom always told me it was not nice to make fun out of peoples disabilities !

I, being accused of moaning about hidden rocks when I stacked it hugely several times, elected to start jumping over them for the remainder of the day (as per the picture).

In fairness and joking aside, skiing on Christmas Eve was a very cool but very weird experience, especially as we rode over on one chair a full size Santa on a snow board bleeting Ho Ho Ho ! The roof top hot tub and beers overlooking the evening sunset at days end was even more surreal !

Massively unlike Whistler which is an out and out party town, Big White is famed as a family resort (and for appalling amounts of scruffy smelly Australian students) where most visitors actually own their own places up there and enjoy the Christmas event with family fun on snow.

You have to hand it to these Canadians ! They have it sorted out. Merry Christmas every one !

A 'Big White' Christmas ! (Part I)

Unfortunately now working for a consultancy practice that employs forty year old nerds who still get excited by the power of their computer processors whilst drawing pretty pictures of dull buildings, otherwise known as Architects, I missed out this year on one classic perk of the traditional British Construction worker!.

A two week holiday shutdown in honour of good old Saint Nick and all things gluttonous by way of food and drink !

This sadly meant that with only a few select days off I would not be able to make the trek home to Blighty and a traditional English Christmas in Lancaster and Ormskirk.

My saving grace was that being in the land of the single expatriate on a mission to ski as many days as possible during winter 06/07, I found two willing idiots keen on embarking upon the shared mission that was to become a ‘BIG WHITE’ Christmas !!

‘Big White’ for those who have not yet made beautiful BC is a ski resort some 300 miles within the interior of the province and is famed for having super light and powdery snow that falls in extreme abundance on regular occasions !

(Personally the only thing I found in abundance there was annoying and loud Australians – but we will come to that later)

Leaving the office on the last Friday before the big fat fella in red and white was due to make an appearance, Team chauffeur Leigh demanded Garry and I take it easy on the grog that night as he would not be happy if the 6am agreed departure for the following morning slipped by as much as ten minutes.

Double standards I say ! Standing at the bar in Smiley O’Neal’s who do we see sneaking out the door with a heavily tattooed lady under his jacket but the one and only A.D.D Hudson !

Crikey sport ! What are ya gonna do with that ! You better not be late mucka !

Thankfully being the sensible and disciplined soul I am, bed for Stig was made well before midnight !

Ahem – yes ? If you believe that then pinnochio may well be entering this Christmas tale somewhat soon !

Truthfully, Garry and I did both make pick up on time but with about four hours sleep between us.

It rapidly became apparent that A.D.D Hudson must have had more in the region of ten hours, as he began talking at 200mph and was somewhat reminiscent of a four year old who had just had ice cream and chocolate sauce for breakfast !

Loading up the side kick with skis and poles poking out of every window off we went on our 8 hour odyssey that would take us east via Hope (where Rambo First Blood was filmed), Manning Park, Penticton, Kelowna and finally Big White !

Now please remember at this point – the side kick transmission only kicks in after 20k – the rear window long since got punched through by the bums in the West End and is therefore wide open – the heating only marginally warms the front occupants – the tires are both as old and as bald as Garry’s bonce – the top speed is about 75kph – there is no radio and the back seat is permanently wet from being parked outside at night !

All in all a ride I’m sure you will agree that has definitely not been pimped by MTV any time recently !

Garry and I therefore agreed to make regular shift swaps and take two hour hits in the back with all the bags and skis whilst freezing our respective cobblers off ! Initially having packed my arctic sleeping bag as a piss take, we soon became grateful I had done so as it was soon used to ward off frostbite in the legs of who ever was in the back !

In fairness the ride was stunning and the peaceful serenity only briefly disturbed by the occasional slide and swerve in the snow falling on the mountain pass of Manning Park. As you would predict having no radio within the side kick the banter soon became ever more stupid in between Leigh providing horrendous renditions of his favourite love songs.

At this point and having heard first hand the scandalous story of our firm marketing officer grabbing Garry’s buttocks at the Christmas party (as detailed in the most recent blog) whilst declaring she thought said bald English crooner was gorgeous, we nearly crashed once more laughing at the tale being told.

Enter the nickname ‘Gorgeous George’ that sadly for Garry stuck like mud to a hut for the remainder of the trip.

Thankfully before we all went stir crazy at Leigh’s singing and my legs needed to be amputated with frostbite we arrived at our palatial gaff at the Glacier Creek Lodge in sunny Big White !

Merry Christmas ! Ho Ho Ho ! Sking it is tomorrow morning then on Christmas Eve !

Works Christmas Bash !

I had heard some very dirty rumours for several months previously that the firm for whom I 'currently' work (and who shall remain nameless for the time being....... the stingy gits) were notorously tight fisted when it came to splashing out the go go juice for their staff at the anual Christmas Bash.

Now it goes without saying that when working for a UK construction firm one expects to get liberally oiled, giddy, stupid, loud, idiotic and generally blootered all at some one else's expense before usually waking up with a raging hangover (in a random strange place) with mysterious fear that a visit to the headmasters office is likely to be in order to explain why several Christmas tree decorations had gone missing from the lobby !

This as any employee of Tolent Construction will know is the standard form for the last Thursday in December prior to site shut down and departure to far off corners of Britain.

Unfortunately so, this is not the routine in 'Fortress Sensibility - BC' ! Not so with my crowd any way ! Arriving to discover that one glass of wine and one drink ticket only would be dispensed to each employee I was suddenly thankful that all ten Glenfiddich minatures that had arrived with a previous Senior First Officer visitor had made it into my suit pocket !

In case of emergiencies only of course !

Being further dissapointed that there wasn't a turkey in sight (well apart from yours truly dancing) myself and Garry set about representing the English Construction fraternity by getting horribly inebriated and leading a rogue element to the 'Yale' house of blues on Granville street.

Where upon at this point a particular incident took place that would make a huge impact upon one of our later expeditions to Big White (to be addressed to in future blogs).

Enter the lovely (and married) firm marketing officer who cool, calm and collectedly strode upto Garry to announce that she was not only getting a divorce but was extremely turned on by the English accent and even muttered the classic line,

"You know what Gary - I think you're gorgeous"

Bold you may assume ? Absolutely ! Escpecially considering she had one of Garry's buttocks in her grasp at the time and the husband was chatting at the bar with me ! Thankfully only I saw this cringing moment of stomach churning intimacy and did not have to wade in and stop Mr Marketing officer pummeling Garry whilst his wife maintaned firm grip of the left cheek !

For once poor old Garry was even innocent had not encouraged any of this blatant flirtation !

Maybe the Canadian Christmas bash isn't so dull after all !

BA Girls Roll Call !

In the spirit of providing a non sexist blog and of course always being willing to entertain a BA hostess under the age of 52 (yes there are at least 5 that I know of) here is confirmation that the girliest girl of them all arrived this week !

Enter Miss Aberdeen herself - Bellza !

Well ok actually Maria as it goes on the girlie front.

No girl could eat as many chicken wings as Craig did that night !

Now I may be wrong here but I have noticed that only when Scottish Pilots are at the helm does the plane arrive late ? Never has it done so with Rog, Doogs, Paul, Adam, Dave or Dave. Only when Hackers and Bellza take control does the old 400 crawl across the atlantic ?

Perhaps it is because they are raiding the larder in the club class galley and need that extra room in the cockpit ! Subsequently the right foot doesn't push the pedal all the way down !

Only two more girls now to complete the roster so I can collect my free set of wine glasses and a cuddly toy !

Come on Frankster and congrats to the new longhaul marauder Clare !

See you soon guys !

The new record set for chicken wings set by Craig stands at 45 in thirty minutes !

Vancouver Rowing Club - Rugby Finals Day

Saturday December 9th 2006 saw the massed ranks of the third division Rowers Rugby Club (ok with the odd second division player ot two) take on the Meerloma's in British Columbia Rugby's third division final at Brockton Oval, Stanley Park.

Whilst Will 'I like my AC/DC' Vanderbog graced the team with a fine display at flyhalf, Leigh and I worked some fine magic of our own from the clubhouse bar in support.

With an awe inspiring team talk from our coach Kiwi Wayne how could we loose !

I mean, where have you heard such emotional lines in the changing room before kick off as this :

"Look boys - lets be on the winning *?!*$*!! canoe that wins eh " (yes winning was said twice)

and

"you've got to ring the head of that lomas snake and eat it in the first ten fella's"

Now say this in a broad Kiwi accent with the odd 'choice bro' thrown in and you are there !

Unfortunately we were robbed in the last seconds as the referee played at least eight minutes of extra time to allow the lomas in.

That we were offside for the last twenty may have swayed his time keeping, but I can't be sure.

Leaving the ground after the grand final (first division match) what was left of Leigh and I marched off with roadies in hand (plastic cups of pale ale in this instance) to get some munchies.

Some time there after I woke up on a park bench out side Lonsdale Quay with a half eaten 7 eleven hod dog in my hand ? oops !

Good on ya Will for playing such a blinder - No not the game you fool - staying off the grog !

Five Ski Days for November !

Fresh from having dropped Amanda and Owen off at the airport I dashed back through city centre rush hour traffic, back to the North Shore, over Lions Gate bridge and turned left upto Cypress Bowl where to hook up with Me Lord Fonters. Who happened to be in town for the day.

Given the last few days mega snow this was not an easy task as contrary to any assumption you may have made - Canadian motorists can't drive for toffee in the white stuff ! It was like being in Liverpool after a frost when the gritter drivers have all stayed indoors ! Cars sliding in all directions.

Arriving at just after nine I met up with me lord and very oddly another FO named Joe who I had met when Dave Rogers was last out. It seems some FO's like Vancouver - must be the snow (or Cecil's)

Day five at Cypress became six and seven over the coming weekends as two additional lads only excursions were mounted with Leigh, Nick, Garry and I.

Garry (of course one not to pick up nick names) found himself christened 'Uncle Garry' for the day as he managed to use every expletive not in the Oxford concise dictionary within ear shot of several children's ski lessons as he fell in ever more comedy fashion !

When quizzed from the chair lift above by Leigh on one overpass

'if he did childrens parties too' ?

Verbal expletives soon became rude hand gestures ! I suppose learning to ski can be very hard (especially for instructors) !!

Night skiing is available at Cypress on both the Alpine and Nordic ski areas with bars open at each to serve pretty damn special burgers and Kokanee Gold.

This is the 'Holyburn Lodge' on the Nordic hill where Mom, John and I had stopped by for a quick coffee on our days snow shoeing a couple of weeks ago.

Cypress I feel must have 'THE' best views of any mountain I have skied on a sunny day any where in the world.